Couples Therapy
No Longer Feeling Seen Or Appreciated By Your Partner?
Have you been feeling disconnected from your partner lately? Do you feel as if your spouse no longer cares about you or your relationship? Have you ever felt frustrated because your partner doesn't seem to understand why certain things upset you? Do you often find yourself wanting to talk things out with them, but they seem disinterested?
Maybe you’ve started to develop the fear that the bond you share with your partner is on rocky ground, and you have thoughts like “I’m all alone in this again” or “I’ve done something wrong.” Or perhaps a big change in your relationship is making it harder to feel as connected to your partner as you used to.
What you want is for you and your partner to feel secure in your relationship and repair the loving bond you once shared.
Relationships Are Never Easy—They’re Hard Work
A relationship of any kind requires consistency, communication, and lots of effort from both parties for it to work. However, sometimes it can be difficult to do this when there are many other demands to meet in life.
You may be experiencing frustration, sadness, anxiety, and a breakdown in communication in your relationship.
You’re probably feeling the strain of the lack of a social safety net. You both spend so much time either working or taking care of the kids that it's hard to find time for each other. To add to all that, our attachment styles—whether secure, anxious, or avoidant—and the expectations we formed based on the reliability and attentiveness of our parents can exacerbate these challenges in the context of our relationships.
Major life transitions—such as moving to a new home or having a baby—can activate these attachment fears, intensifying the negative cycle within the relationship. It's crucial to recognize that these fears emerge precisely because the relationship matters so much, so we become upset because we care deeply.
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Every Couple Experiences Problems From Time To Time
Challenges in a relationship are something many couples go through—it's a natural part of being human. These difficulties don't necessarily indicate that the relationship is unhealthy, but they do present opportunities for growth and understanding.
If you find that you feel stuck in the same painful cycle, seeking couples or marriage therapy together can be incredibly beneficial.
A Multitude Of Factors Can Contribute To Relationship Breakdown
Struggling to connect with your partner is a common experience, often stemming from misunderstandings or ineffective communication rather than inherent flaws in the relationship itself. Factors like the responsibilities of parenthood and demanding jobs can further complicate matters. They demand your undivided attention and energy, leaving little room for nurturing the connection with our partners.
Additionally, financial stress, the way you were raised (parenting styles), and even past traumatic experiences can all contribute to a breakdown in communication, a sense of insecurity in your relationship, and emotional distance.
Fortunately, couples therapy can allow you to understand each other’s true motivations, have more vulnerable conversations, and experience real growth together.
Couples Therapy Can Help You And Your Partner Enjoy A Lasting, Healthy Bond
During couples counseling sessions, I strive to create a comfortable environment where you and your partner can feel at ease having open, honest, vulnerable conversations with each other.
In this validating, judgment-free space we will help you explore, process, and reflect while allowing you to create healthier emotional experiences with your partner that help your body learn how to feel secure in your relationship.
The long-term goal is to find solid solutions to tackle the tough times you face and provide the skills you need for growth and healing.
My Approach To Couples Therapy
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) views relationship problems not as one person’s fault, but as negative cycles that occur between a couple. These cycles emerge because you matter to one another, triggering your attachment systems and invoking feelings of fear.
It's really important to figure out why we sometimes resort to strategies like blaming others or avoiding situations. Even though they might not work that well, we often do these things to try to protect or fight for our relationship.
The first step of EFT involves figuring out why we are using these strategies, even when they hurt our partners. Why does our protective action actually create distance in our relationship? It makes sense why we do it, but it sure isn’t working. So we need to go deeper: diving beneath the surface to connect our emotions to our actions.
Through this process, we create corrective emotional experiences, empowering you to break free from negative cycles and have the conversations you've been avoiding. Exploring the barriers to communication—such as emotional intensity or regulation difficulties—requires slowing down and delving deeper into the root causes.
In the EFT framework, the metaphorical iceberg represents the surface level or visible conflicts (the tip) within a couple’s relationship. The goal is to uncover what lies beneath, or the submerged emotions and needs driving these conflicts.
At ET Therapy, I value both partners and work collaboratively with you to achieve the goals you set for your relationship’s future. Couples therapy can help you have a loving relationship.
Perhaps You Are Considering Couples Therapy But Still Have Some Questions…
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Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) has a lot of good research behind it, and that's one of the reasons why I practice this model. In fact, EFT has a larger positive effect size than any other modality of couples therapy. This isn't a guarantee, of course, but I put my trust in this model and have seen it positively impact many of my clients’ relationships.
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It's my job not to take sides! When I work with couples through the EFT lens, I see the problem as the negative cycle between you, not one of you. In our sessions, we figure out why the way you are interacting makes sense. I believe that if you could see someone's entire life laid out, everything they are doing makes sense. This helps me genuinely come alongside and empathize with folks, even if they have hurt each other.
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This is such a common fear, especially among couples. The reality is that the conversation you're not having is already impacting you and making you feel less connected and more alone. Not talking about it is making it come out in other ways. I can be a calm, directing presence to help you really get to the bottom of it so you don't just put bandaids on something that's a deeper wound. It's hard work, but it can lead to long-term change.
Your Relationship Can Experience Healing Through Couples Therapy
If you’re tired of a relationship riddled by a lack of communication, misunderstandings, and not feeling seen or appreciated, couples counseling with ET Therapy can provide the support and resources you need to heal and move forward together.
To find out more about how I can help you and your partner please call 720-583-5341 or get in contact with me here.